trivard676On the news you hear of strange disappearances and ghastly murders – people in another part of the colony are starting to act strange. Birds are just falling out of the sky! Is this the end? On a side note, those reports are due on Monday. But you, thinking of the end of the world decided to wait until Friday to start. That free-loader Jimmy called in sick to work, so it looks like you’re going to have to pull a double, too. Just grin and bear it – and be thankful that you don’t have any of these jobs when the End comes.
Security Officer
Unless you happen to be fortunate enough to get in with a company that hasn’t outsourced its workers, being a security officer can be a pretty grueling job. People yell at you, speak to you derogatively (can you tell which RoH staffer works as a security officer?) and you regularly deal with people who would rather have nothing to do with you. Their shift starts when most others have gone home, to the safety of their fortified houses with guns and ammo, and for the most part, the pay is a drag.
Anyway, when people start eating each other, guess where the security officer is? Monitoring some little hole in the wall with a radio and a cell phone. Most security officers don’t have weapons do to liability concerns on behalf of the client, and unless you have some sort of previous training (like our friend Mark Wilkins from Outbreak), you’re on the front lines with very little to help yourself with. All to make sure that no one breaks the windows or pees on the sidewalk outside. You know them zombies, they can’t control themselves anymore. We wouldn’t count on getting a pass for the patrols, either – including the exterior ones.
In the odd chance that there are people in the little hole in the wall they’re guarding, they’ll all clamour to Security for help. Because you’re there. Forget the fact that they’ll try to tear you apart in a few hours.
Police Officer
Having an advantage over the security officer in pretty much ‘every’ aspect, you’d think that the police officer would be the ideal position to have. Access to weapons, vehicles, and a bunch of other colleagues who are just as good a shot as they are, those would be great to have, right? That is, assuming they haven’t already turned into people-eaters.
You really have to hand it to the police. Before they call it an emergency and bring in the national guard or the military, the cops are out there trying to enforce the law, keep things civil and not to mention trying not to get eaten alive themselves. And that’s on a regular day. So when all the terrified people (we imagine them in one giant mob) run to the police station to seek shelter and safety, consider a third of them are probably already infected.
To protect and serve – the coppers board up the windows and seal the door of the police station shut. Only when they turn around do they see that they’ve locked their doom inside the station with them. Suffice it to say, their loved ones and any safety really being ‘outside’ the police station, while they’re officially zombie food.
That’s if they’re not hunted down by a lunatic police chief, or back-stabbed by a double-agent working with an evil pharmaceutical corporation.
Ex Military Personnel
We threw this in just because of the prevalence this seems to have in games. Chris Redfield, Leon S. Kennedy, Bill…whatever his last name is, Alex Shepherd, all of them happen to have a background in the military (don’t say it…). On top of the horrors they’ve already faced in the battlefield, they’re destined to have something bad happen go down while they’re trying to peacefully live their lives.
War. War never changes. Oop, wrong game.
Civilians might seek out ex-military personnel for their expertise in handling themselves in emergency situations and survival techniques. Also, they tend to be pretty good with weapons. But how do you deal with something that you’ve never been trained for? Are there actual training scenarios for zombie viral outbreak in the military? We’re not so sure – but if there was, there probably wouldn’t be enough time to train civilians in how to also effectively deal with the situation. Not to mention, where would you find all of the stuff to properly do so?
Reporter
People demand to know what’s going on. If the police won’t give them the answer, you know some reporter will be first on the scene to dish out the story of their career. Hell, that’s Rochelle’s (L4D2) entire backstory. Well, we guess she was a producer, but the reporter called in sick…you get the idea.
Unless they just so happen to be ex-military personnel or an ex police officer, the journalist doesn’t really have any tools at their disposal. We’re not so sure that they offer Zombie Apocalypse training as a part of the Journalism course at colleges and universities. They might have a big van at their disposal if the station doesn’t care if it gets wrecked – but since when have you been able to willfully destroy property from your employer and not get fired for it? Then you have other problems, too. Because your luck, the incident would be isolated, then you’d be out of a job, too.
And microphones and cameras don’t make for good melee weapons, and we’re sure boom mics don’t work that way either. Although we’d personally like to try…with someone else’s stuff.
Nurse
This one is pretty much a given. You can wash your hands all you want, as they state in those pamphlets, but we don’t think the infection will be stopped with hand washing. The doctors can’t quite seem to figure out what’s going on, all of these patients seem to keep coming in with the same symptoms and they can’t figure out why – until one of those patients tries to eat their arm off.
More and more people flood the hospitals because they’re sick, but like the police station, the hospital is the last place you’d want to be. Imagine having to go into work when three colleagues were eaten alive in the examination room!
Not to mention that the hospital also happens to be the place where a lot of towns/municipalities keep their morgue. Also…we’re pretty sure that the guys that come around think pretty negatively of them. Even though they might not ever say it to their face.
Space Engineer
Look, we know that Isaac Clarke really romanticized the engineer thing. They don’t use Rippers to tear off the limbs of what appear to be mutated humans (we hope) and their suits aren’t half as cool. We added them to the list for the simple reason that they when it comes to fixin things, they don’t seem to get a whole lot of respect for that.
Take for example in Dead Space: Extraction (hint – spoilers ahead) the opening sequences has Sam Caldwell headed down to fix something. Seems simple enough. However when shit turns sour, his supervisor radios him to see how things are going. When he responds “Something bad’s happened down here,” or to that effect, the supervisor pretty much blows him off and tells him to get back to work. While bodies lay strewn about and attackers all around, this douche doesn’t even care. We’ve all had supervisors that were dicks, but that one has to take the cake.
At least it’s better than working in an office every day…
It seemed like pretty much everyone in the Dead Space universe is like that, too. “Do this, go here – fix this. Yeah…did I ask for your screams and mental anguish? You’re our only hope…and when you’re done, I’m not saying thank-you or anything. I’ll say ‘thank you’ in my own little way, by making you go and do something else.”
Small Business Owner
When you’re your own boss, it’s imperative that you keep working when things get tough. You’re a leader – you put the food on the table and keep the roof over your head. You know what you need to do and you damn well better get out there and do it. There are no sick days, no zombie-apocalypse days, either. And no damn zombies are going to keep you from your business!
Mmm-hmm. That worked out really well for this guy.
-jeeves86
